cunctation, shillyshally, delay, holdup - the act of delaying; inactivity resulting in something being put off until a later time.
Yep - still got my hand up! That's me!
I can read back over quite a few blogs where I have set up training schedules and started off with good intent each day.
However, within an hour I have usually rail roaded and ditched all good thoughts.
I am like a Jekyl & Hyde creature. Incapable of being good, slowly turning to the dark side and then giving up completely. Why do I do this?
I know the health benefits of healthy eating and living. I know the dangers of eating rubbish and being inactive!
I also twitter away all the virtues of good clean food, running, swimming...
I can probably come up with heaps of excuses and reasons.
I know I am tired, and lack any enthusiasm to train or cook sensibly. I lack a really good network of support on a variety of different levels. I miss the groups I did get support in such as kettlercise. However, lack of funds means I can't get there.
I know I am feeling overwhelmed, even a little "depressed" .. head space filled with a variety of issues. I never get the opportunity to speak out aloud. To speak out to some one. To get them out of my head, rationialised. Round and round, the thoughts circling inside.
Somedays I really do feel it is just me... a small insignificant being who really has no worth no matter how hard I try. So, I just can't be arsed. It isn't wallowing. I am just struggling with an age old battle to fight inner demons.
However, I do owe it to myself to really get a handle on this. I need to man up and get back to fighting the flab, avoiding the rubbish, really put some effort into the training.
Writing can be cathartic .. can also open up a vunerable side that people will either despise or empathise. Does it help me? does it help you?
Focus on the strengths. Let them grow and nurture the weakened mindset.
Today is my tomorrow...